What is worth preserving? There are numerous philosophies about being “sthitapragya”, about importance of “aparigraha”, about sacrifice on the way of “moksha”, but all these philosophies are basically religious, spiritual and ways to liberate soul from body. But I don’t find some way to liberate both our soul and body from others. Is it because we become selfish when we try to liberate it from others? Is such selfishness not a virtue? Is being liberated and independent a threat to the concept of society. The society has such impact on our minds that we have started feeling guilty for not adhering to the set norms. We forget that it takes strength to let go off anything that chains our spirit.
One day a familiar face appeared in my office. I had met this lady in some social function. I had gone there as a guest. This time the lady had come as an applicant. The lady was good looking. From her style of wearing saree one could easily guess her caste. She belonged to a business community. Even without asking, she mentioned her caste. It was with great pride she mentioned that usually women are treated well in that particular caste. She took a promise from me about her anonymity. I got annoyed. I thought I was a police officer and not a counselor. But anyways assured her that she need not worry about her anonymity and the secrecy of the information she might share with me. Her problem was her husband. He was HIV positive and was raping her every day without any protection. There was complete disgust on her face. She shuddered even at the memory of the last intercourse. He wanted to infect her and had become violent recently. He had a grudge against the world. His insecurity had conquered all his senses. She had only one son who hated both his mother and father equally. The father with the vicious behavior he had acquired recently was financing his son to go to prostitutes in Mumbai. Whenever this lady objected, both father and son beat her black and blue. All the neighbors could witness the drama, but because it was a family affair, no one wanted to disturb the privacy of this heinous crime.
I asked the lady about her parents or other close relatives. She started crying. She said such kind of incidences were very rare in her community. Her parents were financially not sound. Her brother and sister in law told her that she is no more their responsibility after her marriage. They had their own set of problems. There were also limitations to the narration, her mind allowed her, of the trauma she was facing day in and day out. Based on my professional experience, I enquired whether she wanted to continue in the present relation or get out of it. She was just shocked by my question. She said she was more than sure, about this one thing…her hatred for her husband and her urge to go away from all this. In fact she wanted to commit suicide to end all the problems and also to save herself and her family from “badnaami”. But thankfully she also thought it was a sin to commit suicide.
The mental condition of this lady was awfully bad. I could not understand whether she was smiling or crying. I told her she could cry freely in my office. I offered her a glass of water. Her answer disturbs me till date. “Madam,hamare yahan aisi baatein kisiko nahi batate.samaaj me naam kharab hota hai aur badnami hoti hai.”(Madam, we don’t tell such things openly in our society. It brings bad name to the family). I didn’t know what to say. I asked her about her educational qualification. She was a graduate. I tried to convince her to register FIR in the women’s police station. She was confused. I told her to take her own time, gave her my mobile no. in case she decides to take some action. She still looked confused. The next big question, disturbing her was the expenses she would need to incur for the legal remedy. It was a genuine problem considering the long period between registration of FIR and court’s final judgment. I didn’t want to discourage her, considering her grave problem. I called one lady advocate, who had met me recently and who was felicitated publically for providing free legal aid to women in distress. I requested her to help this woman. She readily asked me to send her to her office the next day. I gave the contact number and the address of the advocate to this lady. I felt relieved. I was proud of my actions.
Next day,
this woman called me. For a moment, I thought, she might have gathered her
strength by now. I thought, she was calling to thank me. Alas, things are not
so simple. The advocate told her that she would give some concession in her
fees. I was aghast. This advocate was publically felicitated for the deeds she
never did. For the moment, I told this lady to at least stay in touch with the
women police station, so that, if her husband or son beats her again, police
can immediately take action. In the meantime, I contacted the Government
Pleader. I told him about the problem. He immediately gave me contact number of
his advocate niece. He also promised that she won’t charge anything, as she had
just started her career. I spoke to the advocate. She sounded keen on helping
this needy woman. I told the lady, to go and meet this advocate next day.
Unfortunately, on the same day, her husband raped and beat her. She ran to
police for help. I instructed my officer to immediately register FIR and arrest
this guy. Within some time, my officer called me from police station. The
husband was brought to police station immediately. But now, this lady was not
ready to give the FIR. All her morals were advising her not to go against her
husband. She herself started crying. When I spoke to her, she just wanted
police, to counsel her husband not to beat her. I inquired, how she would
avoid the forceful intercourse, she was subjected to, everyday. She said, it
was her FATE. My heart was weeping. I told her, she didn’t need to go through
this entire trauma. I told her about the “Nari Sanrakshan Griha”(women safety centre), run by
government, for women and, she could stay there. She was a graduate and she
could any day sustain herself. But she could not gather the courage. I tried to
convince her, about the need to get out of this hell and that she could not
live in such situation for long. She was silent.
The counseling was just not of any use, for the man who had turned violent, in the face of death. She called me once but couldn’t speak, just wept. As my profession has taught me, I insisted again to take the legal course. I tried to convince her, that the process would definitely be a cake walk, compared to her present pain. Her answer was “madam,samaaj me merihi badnaami hogi.jaisa bhi hai,HUSBAND hai.”(Madam, only I will be blamed by society. However he is, he is HUSBAND.)
Are some institutions so pious, that no matter what, they should not be touched? Was her marriage worth saving? Was her life so worthless? I believe, she could change her destiny, if only, she could gather some courage. I remember this lady coming to me in the initial days with a file. It had local newspaper cuttings, referring me with my photographs. According to her, she was inspired by courageous women. Truly speaking, I felt flattered then. Now, I just wish, she could gather some courage to fight for her own life, for her own sake. Virtues, which we know are virtues, are as good as vices, if we don’t imbibe them in our lives, for some positive change.
We need to change the concepts of virtues. We need to remember, that one size doesn’t fit all. Will we ever be able to stop being hypocrites? Will we ever liberate our souls, from unseen chains of the concepts of morality, taught to us since childhood, without any reasoning?
Rather than saving the dead relations, isn’t it worth to fight till death? So that, one’s soul and spirit are not killed.
- Shobha.
